PTSD: Post Traumatic Spiritual Disorder

There it is, glaring at you like a beacon. A friend-request from a name you know well, but have not encountered in perhaps years. A person from the Kingdom Hall, and they want to connect to you.

You have a moment of intense anxiety and then ignore it until later. Admittedly, you don't have any known reason to decline the invitation, but when last you saw them, it was in a context from which have since removed yourself. There are so many possible outcomes, and you have no way to know which of them this person now represents.

One of my current connections even said to me that he was "careful" in dealing with former Witnesses. I understood that, of course. For a long time, I was hesitant to make connections with people that I knew through the Watchtower, Bible, and Tract Society of New York. Were they still active? Would they try to reinvigorate my participation? Would I have to explain why I'd left, or why I wouldn't go back?

I examined those questions quite a lot and concluded that my hesitance was chiefly due to my own uncertainty about my position. I still felt pangs of guilt over having left, even leaping to the defense of Witnesses that I felt were being misrepresented in the media or by people in idle conversation.

Since reaching out to former Witnesses through social media, I've become more aware of a pattern of Mutually Assured Distrust. I understand it entirely, of course, having been distrustful of them. However, after seeing it arise time after time, I now understand it as something more like a disease.

The people we surrounded ourselves with during our involvement in the Organization represented a singular thought process. There is no way, unfortunately, to tell from the outside if any one of them still operates to that paradigm. So, we stand at a safe distance knowing that the other person may still be deeply involved, and thus may be a person with whom we want no association. They probably think the same of us, and that is the Mutually Assured Distrust.

It is a byproduct of isolationist indoctrination. Groups that foster separation from dissimilar social groups for any number of reasons are prone to this type of post-traumatic response. If a former member encounters another person, who at last contact was still a member, there are certain logical responses that can be expected. What is also known is that the other person is aware that you were a member, and depending on the circumstances of your departure, they may be aware that you are no longer.

That presents a dilemma. You know that they know you have left the group, but you don't know if they did. So, what's the next step?

It really depends on how firm you are in your current stance. That's an understandably shaky premise, since, as we all know, we were all trained to be unshakable in a previous faith. Ultimately, no one can decide for you if that risk is a worthwhile one. You may reach out, only to find that person is extending a hand just so they can drag you back in. They may also be extending a hand because they want help being dragged out. That's a risk that only you can decide upon.

The ultimate truth is that isolationist indoctrination teaches people to be distrusting. They become afraid of everything and everyone that doesn't conform to the model. Admittedly, it's taken effort for me to reach out to people. Many of your names sat on a list for a good long time before I decided to risk exposure. Moreover, I made a specific effort not to let my upbringing define who I would and would not surround myself with.

Now, I surround myself with people of good character who are true to the only knowable thing in existence, and that is 'who we are'. If we can be faithful to that, there's no reason to distrust anything else.