But... Why?

An acquaintance recently had a discussion with me about her daughter coming out as gay. It seems to be rather commonplace these days. The whiplash effect of having homosexuality sanctioned by the Supreme Court of the US has left the conservatives of the nation with a stinging slap to the face. The inundation of sexual identity celebration is likely to die down somewhere in the next two to ten years.

As she related this story to me, it was clear that she was distressed by the news. She, herself, claimed to be very 'conservative' and was having a tough time dealing with it. I chose not to point out the fact that she is prone to heavy drinking, smoking, toking, and ill-advised sexual dalliances. So claiming to be conservative solely on the basis of a child's sexuality is really a disservice to conservatism.

I've sometimes spoken about my parents' flippant approach to Christianity. Some things were iron clad. Other things were not. There wasn't enough dedication, however, to even garner my respect. The conversation I had with the acquaintance reminded me why.

Most people in the world have no clue why they feel as they do on any given topic. Religion, politics, even the cars they drive, are all a conglomeration of opinions that have a source, but little to no cognitive reasoning behind them. As the outcasts of (a) religion, most of us are quite aware of why we don't want to be Jehovah's Witnesses any longer. But we were forced into this awareness by the nature of our departure.

Catholics, Baptists, Shinto, Muslim, Hindu, Zoarastrians... they all had the opportunity to walk away unscathed and unjustified. There were no committees to meet with. There were no publications geared toward their reindoctrination. There were no family members appearing on a convention part heroically, however woefully, claiming to put God above Family.

Anyone but a Jehovah's Witness could leave their faith with no more explanation that 'it didn't feel right.' To that end, the world at large has never been held to the lens of introspection. WHAT feels wrong? WHY don't I agree? Questions that no one has ever been demanded to ask of themselves.

The result of that is that it's nearly impossible to have an informed conversation with a person and hope for a reasoned response. You'll get passion. You'll get dedication. But you'll rarely get enlightenment.

This is the point where I admit that I am less my Father's son than I once thought myself to be. Dad, having been an elder, was know for being the one who listened. I don't believe he like the responsibility of shepherding the flock. I also don't believe he liked having to apply the letter of the law in committee when he clearly had empathy for the stricken, but more conservative elders were prepared to issue judgement.

Dad, for all his faults, did teach me to listen. When speaking to someone in need, I assume myself to start from a position of ignorance. I cannot help if I do not understand.

Elders, generally, begin with the premise of known quantity. There is a Watchtower policy that must be upheld. To that end, a person under suspicion must then be weighed and measured to see if they can be absolved. They are in fact guilty first, and it is incumbent upon the accused to save themselves. Kind of reminds me of the Gestapo, but with less torture.

There is an important truth that I learned many years ago. Having a destination in mind is a good start, but knowing where you're starting from is just as important to getting there. Shepherding and, in the case of my acquaintance, parenting is very much the same way. Providing direction to a child is only useful if you can understand where they are coming from. To do that, it's important to have the humility to cast off, or at least examine, preconceived notions.

Humanity is plagued with blind acceptance. Much of what we cling to is indoctrination of belief, tradition, or opinion held by those who raised us. Unfortunately, reflection with an eye towards critical examination of those things is often discouraged. Why doesn't my acquaintance want her daughter to be a lesbian? She doesn't know. She doesn't know because she doesn't ask. She doesn't ask because she was taught not to. She was taught not to because her parents were taught not to.

It is a persistent paradigm that serves only one purpose. To weed out undesirables. If you can blindly follow, welcome. If you cannot, then expect to be an outcast. Thus, the nature of religion, as an "agreed upon" form of worship, with attendant the rites and beliefs, is a form of society. As humans, we are prone to social congregation, which brings a number of benefits. As a result, it can be hard to let go of prejudices, even unfounded ones, because it can brand us as undesirable, even if we don't engage in the prohibited practice. Loss of society is too much for most, and forced loss of society is cripplingly traumatic, as any who have been disfellowshipped can attest.

I'm sure that when my dad sat in committee and listed to the confession of a sinner, he tried to place himself in their shoes. He empathized as best he could. However, he was still going to be there with the yardstick of the Watchtower to measure the repentance of an injured person.

I can't do it. I can't sit among the ashes with a person and tell them that what or who they are is wrong. That's not my place. I only know that because I wondered why I should think that it ever was.