In Memoriam

Tonight will mark the celebration of Nisan 14, the traditional Jewish observation of the Passover. For the Bible literate, this was the manifestation of the tenth plague on Egypt wherein the firstborn of each family was slaughtered by an angel of Jehovah. That is, of course, unless one marked their door posts with the blood of a lamb, in which case their household was "passed over".

It's a dark tale in which the Hebrew God again murders people for his own glorification and cosmic chest beating. This time, however, the victims are largely children and cows. Ascribe whatever psychological complex makes you feel best.

As a practice, Jews kept this observation annually. Roman Catholics, upon codifying the bible and sanctioning Christianity as a state religion, turned it into a practice held with every Mass. This has traditionally been observed through the consumption of unleavened bread, bitter herbs, and wine. Unless you're one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Once a year for more than twenty, I would sit and listen to a discourse on the merits of Jesus' sacrifice. Wine and bread would be passed for me to observe, but not partake of. In fact, there were very few times that I ever saw anyone eat or drink during the proceedings. Those were the special ones. The Anointed. The only ones in my faith of birth that had an actual heavenly hope, and therefore any right or responsibility to partake.

It was our only holiday. The holiest of our holies. Tonight, I will not observe it.

That may seem overly dramatic since I haven't observed it in close to fifteen years. Over that time the pang of distress has weakened. The first year I did not attend, I drove into the parking lot of a local Kingdom Hall to pray for forgiveness as I looked upon the full moon. I was almost moved to tears over my transgression. Almost.

Each year since has been marked with less and less angst. There are a number of reasons for this, not the least of which is the feeling of complete absurdity over listening to substantially the same discourse, and merely looking upon wine and bread meant to represent the blood and body of Christ. How utterly pointless...

As with many aspects of being one of Jehovah's Witnesses, this was a practice in conformance. If a Witness were to miss any single meeting in the year, it had best not be this one. Repetition be damned, it was the only day Christians were commanded to keep. For some Witnesses, it was the only one kept. People you might never otherwise see would appear at the Lord's Evening Meal. It was that ingrained.

The recently released Convention Program for 2016 carries a deplorable overuse of the word "loyalty" and its variants. Every symposium that Witnesses will hear, and every stand-alone talk, will deal with this theme. It is literally becoming their mantra.

As with most discussion about cults, it's important to understand that their doctrine is not open for scrutiny. Loyalty is expected and enforced with respect to that doctrine. Progressive evolution of doctrine can only originate within the top levels of the organizational structure. Opposition of that structure or their doctrine is not permitted, hence the absurd emphasis on loyalty in the coming Convention season.

Meeting attendance is down. Growth is stagnating. Financial practices are becoming extremely conservative. And those are just the tangible metrics. I would not find it surprising to see that a) memorial attendance is unremarkable, or that b) more people are recorded to partake in the bread and wine tonight.

The number of supposed Anointed left in the world was once thought to be a good barometer of our proximity to Armageddon. Since the doctrine of the Last Days and their relation to 1914 have changed in the last few years, solidarity has begun to waver, and why I find the Convention program to be comically tragic. The bleeding of this organization needs to be staunched if it's to survive very long. Tonight will be very telling in how effective their measures have been.

Those not in attendance will surely be looked upon with pity as the rest look upon wine and wafers and remember something that may not have happened as depicted. It's arguable that the gospel accounts upon which Christianity and the Gentile observation of Jewish tradition are based were even recorded in the presence of the men after whom they were named. But that's a discussion for another time.

For my part, I will keep remembrance tonight of my years in a divisive and oppressive religion. I will remember that of the ten key characteristics of dangerous cults, they meet every single one. I will remember that my family will shun me if they ever learn my true beliefs. I will remember twenty-two years of thinking that there was no way to please the God of my youth, and that my only means of measuring that was the impossible-to-attain approval of His followers.

I will not go tonight because I wish to forget.

No, it's because I remember that I will not attend.